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Effective Grandparenting: Dealing with Pregnancy out of Wedlock


Parenting can be stressful. As a parent, I have expectations for my children. I want them to have great lives and I want them to make good choices. Most parents want these things for their children.

But also as parents, I think that we can develop “tunnel vision” and if our kids fail to live out the fantasy lives we have mentally created for them, we can freak out, see ourselves as failures as parents and if not careful, live our lives resentful that our kids didn’t live up to our expectations of them.

The bottom line in this situation is that it’s not about you. Especially not now. At the core of this situation are two young people who are probably scared beyond anything you can imagine.

No area is as potentially devastating for a parent than to find out that they are about to unexpectedly become a grandparent. The thought of our kids having sex can be hard to handle but to find out that your little one is expecting a little one out of wedlock can send a parent into a tailspin.

Your Beliefs are Yours Alone

I believe the bible from cover to cover. I personally don’t understand how anyone can wholeheartedly believe portions of the scripture and discount other parts of it. I understand that because of society today, some may think that believing the bible in it’s entirety can make one seem judgmental of others.

Regardless, I’m a Christ follower which means that what He says goes. With that being said, I don’t believe it’s right to have pre-marital sex. With no pre-marital sex, pregnancy out of wedlock becomes a non-issue. Ahh, but add the human factor to the equation and God’s perfect will becomes far less than perfect.

Parents who believe as I do about pre-marital sex inadvertently set themselves up for a rude awakening if a pregnancy out of wedlock occurs within their household.

As hard as it may be to accept, parents must understand that beliefs are none-transferable. Just because you believe a certain way and strive to teach your children to believe what you believe, doesn’t mean that your children will adopt your way of thinking.

Every parent wants their child to follow in their steps but exposing your child to what you believe is no guarantee that they will embrace your convictions. Especially where spiritual issues are concerned.

Sometimes it’s not about you….this is one of those times

Some of the questions grandparents to be face when finding out that their child is expecting a child out of wedlock are:

  • How do I cope with the questions from our friends?
  • Where did I go wrong as a parent?
  • Will I still be accepted at church?
  • What more could I have done to teach my kids to make better choices?
  • Why didn’t he/she listen to me?

The above are just a few of the many questions that bombard the minds of forced-to-be grandparents. Notice all the references above to I and me.

The bottom line in this situation is that it’s not about you. Especially not now. At the core of this situation are two young people who are probably scared beyond anything you can imagine.

No doubt they had hopes and dreams for their lives or at least an idea of which direction they wanted their lives to go in. Those hopes and dreams are permanently altered or at best severely postponed now that a child is on the way.

Time to freshen up your parenting skills

It’s easy to parent when all is calm in the lives of you and your children. Real parenting takes place when you’re facing adversity and/or turmoil. If the subject of this blog message applies to you, no doubt you may be facing an insurmountable amount of emotional turmoil right now.

Effective parenting under these circumstances means TAKING YOURSELF OUT OF THE EQUATION. Remember, it’s not about you. Neither is it about chastising, blaming, using guilt to get a point across or using this situation as an object lesson.

At this point, everyone involved knows that different choices and options weren’t exercised. There is no need for you to underline or place a spotlight on what’s happened.

Effective Grandparenting is needed now more than ever

Lead by example. Your parenting skills are being magnified in the eyes of your child right now. They know that in a few short months, they will be playing the role of parent. Why not use this opportunity to show what a loving, compassionate, supportive and understanding parent looks like.

Who knows what kind of thoughts the enemy is placing in your young person’s mind about never being forgiven by God or by you. Use this opportunity to create a tremendously strong family bond. If necessary go before the Father with your son or daughter and enforce the idea that we serve a God that will never leave us nor forsake us.

Likewise, enforce the fact in your child’s mind that the love you have for him or her is strong and like our Father, you will never leave or forsake them either.

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