Step Parent Decisions – Accepting the Total Package

Step parent roles can easily be placed on the back burner, especially when your mind is clouded with the thought of starting a new life with someone.

So you think God has finally answered your prayer, huh?

After your determined effort to wait on the Lord for a mate, it appears as though He has finally brought you the partner of your dreams.

God has sent you someone that meets every one of your requirements…..except for the fact that he or she has children.

Step parenting is something that cannot be overlooked or taken lightly. If you are not prepared to accept someone’s children, then I’ll be honest in telling you that God did not send you this person as an answer to your prayer.

To get involved in a child’s life only to leave after bonding has taken place simply because you can’t handle being a step parent is a crime that should not be perpetrated on an innocent child who has nothing to do with the situation.

It’s great that you may have met someone who treats you like you deserve to be treated but unless you are willing to take on the responsibility of their children as if they were your own, you are in for a long somewhat difficult relationship.

From the Couple’s Standpoint

Some couples make the mistake of factoring certain variables into the equation when it comes to marrying someone who has children. These variables can change in an instant, placing you in a situation that you didn’t bargain for at the start of the relationship. Some factors that an individual may consider when making the decision to get involved with someone who has children are:

He or she is a part-time parent who only gets visitation with the children for a certain amount of time each the week, therefore it’s kinda like dating a single person….
He or she has an ex who is currently married, therefore the financial responsibility for the children will be minimal…..
The children live in another state, therefore it’s almost like they don’t exist….
The children are older, therefore the ties to them aren’t as strong….

If you’re deciding to proceed into marriage based upon any of the above factors, in my opinion you’re courting disaster. And if you’re the parent and your fiancée is willing to be with you because of any of the factors listed above, how can you say that this man or woman is the blessing from God that you have been waiting for?

From the Child’s Standpoint

All children want to be loved. They want to be loved unconditionally. They don’t want to be loved because they aren’t a financial burden, or because they have to go home after a few hours or because they live in another state and can only impact your relationship to a certain degree.

If you are contemplating marrying someone with children and you cannot take the step out of step parenting and treat the children as though they were your own, I would encourage you to seek another possible marriage partner. One without children.

To get involved in a child’s life only to leave after bonding has taken place simply because you can’t handle being a step parent is a crime that should not be perpetrated on an innocent child who has nothing to do with the situation.

Likewise, if you’re a parent and you don’t feel that you’re at a point where you can trust your fiancée with the duties of being a step parent to your child, I would encourage you to stop where you are and ask yourself what sense it makes to contempt marrying someone whom you don’t trust to parent your child? It sounds so basic, but these types of unions happen every day.

From Step Parent to Parent

All parenting is a trust given to us by God. The position of step parent should not put pressure on or damage the child in anyway. I am a step parent to 3 children whom I love with all my heart. Though I do my best as a parent, I’m by no means perfect.

Even though the bond I have with my children is strong, I realize there may come a day when they may want to bond with their biological parent. There may be events such as graduations, weddings, etc. when I will have to watch them share their joy with a parent who was never there to wipe their tears or give them wise counsel when they needed it. And in support of them, I will love them no matter what choices they make in life, for I am only their earthly caretaker for the few years we have here together.

If you’re reading this and you’re involve with someone who has children and those children are a stumbling block for you, I encourage you to seek God for His best for your life. Clearly, the situation you’re in now is not His best for you, your fiancée or the children.