Spouse Wars – Turning an Enemy into a Trusted Ally


Spouse Wars is the reality show that plays out in most households today unfortunately. The divorce rate even in the Christian Community is astronomical. Could one reason be because we have not recognized who our real enemy is? 

I was privileged to serve my community as a Law Enforcement Officer for over 17 years. One of the most important aspects of my job was being paired up with a partner that I was compatible with.

Marriage is the only alliance that when the enemy rushes in like a flood to either steal, kill or destroy their relationship, the partners turn around and begin shooting at one another!

In most instances, compatibility between officers isn’t an issue. But on rare occasions there are times when 2 officers just don’t fit well together. I’ve had to work with partners who under normal circumstances, I wouldn’t have chosen to work with.

But the great thing is that in spite of our differences, we had an understanding. The understanding was that I “had his back” and he had mine. We knew that if the crap hit the fan, we were going to do whatever it took to protect one another from whatever threat or attack came our way.

Isn’t that mindset amazing? I often thought about this unspoken “agreement” my patrol partner and I had as I was going through my divorce. How could the bond to mutually protect and preserve one another be so strong at work with an individual who wasn’t even a Christian, yet be missing at home in my “Christian” marriage?

Bonds are strongest when lives are at risk

Whenever you place your well being in someone else’s hands, bonding takes place on a level unlike in any other partnership. Police Officers, Firefighters, Combat Soldiers and anyone else who has been forced to trust someone else with their life knows what I’m talking about.

Our Enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy

Marriage is the only alliance that when the enemy rushes in like a flood to either steal, kill or destroy (John 10:10), the partners turn around and begin shooting at one another!

It’s time we recognize who the problem is in Christian marriages. Most times we spend all of our married lives being used as pawns by the real enemy of marriages, rather than coming together as one and using the challenges that come along with marriage as lifelong bonding agents.

So what is it that can turn wars with your spouse into an alliance against the forces coming against your marriage? In my opinion it’s the knowledge that:

  • The Spirit of God resides within us to help us overcome any obstacle within us individually or within the marriage
  • Our spouse is not our problem, but our ally
  • There must be a desire to yield and humble ourselves before God and before one another.

Yielding to one another is simply allowing the other person to go first. To value the other person. When both spouses are yielding firstly to God, then to one another, they begin to understand that they are no longer two but one, functioning as a single unit.

You and your spouse coming together as one

If you and your spouse truly want to make your marriage work, I encourage you to spend some quality time laying the foundation for success. Place your marital life in God’s hands. Yield to Him in all things as you yield to one another and the bond that will result will be unbreakable.

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