Sex should be the highest form of communion between two people. The word communion is derived from the Latin word communio (sharing in common). The corresponding term in Greek is koivwvia (koinonia) which is often translated as fellowship or communion by intimate participation.
I say that sex should be the highest form of communion between two people because unless sexual intimacy takes place within the confines of marriage and unless God is involved in the union, sex falls far short of the level of intimacy that God originally designed it to have.
Sex and intimacy are two completely different things. Many people all over the world are participating in all types of sexual activity but not all are being intimate with one another.
Sex is two becoming one spiritually, mentally and physically. Sex is a dedication of oneself to another and a giving of oneself completely. Ideally, this dedication to another should last a lifetime. As with all aspects of marriage, the quality of the sexual relationship you have with your spouse should get better with time.
Sex and Intimacy
Sex and intimacy are two completely different things. Many people all over the world are participating in all types of sexual activity but not all are being intimate with one another. Intimacy requires trust. Intimacy requires an investment of your time. Intimacy requires relationship. The act of sex doesn’t require any of the above for most people. I learned the difference between intimacy and sex in a very interesting way.
A Lack of Intimacy affects all areas of a relationship
One of the many problems my ex-wife and I had in our marriage was dealing with the frustration of what we thought was erectile dysfunction. To deal with this problem I took all the popular drugs on the market today and sought the help of several doctors. The E.D. problem along with what seemed like a myriad of other issues resulted in the demise of our marriage.
Feeling like I had been put through the emotional ringer, I found a nice 1 bedroom bachelor pad near the beach in a gorgeous town and was content with living out the rest of my life as a single person. I had given up on love, but I was okay with life and the pain of divorce was easing with each day.
God, however had a different plan for me which came in the form of an old friend of mine whom I had met several years earlier. Sam (Samantha) and I had met and gone out several times prior to me getting married. I liked her but she had issues and I never really considered her as someone who I could have a long term relationship with. Talking to her later, I found out that she felt the same about me.
After my divorce, I contacted my old friend Sam. It had been a few years since we had seen one another. When we got together for coffee this time, there was a distinct difference in our meeting. Sparks filled the room. I saw things in her that I had never seen before and vice versa. Starting a new relationship was the last thing on my mind at the time. I had barely broken in my new beach pad!
Sam and I began to talk about the possibility of dating and starting a relationship and the rest is history. We began dating in April 2010 and were married in January of 2011.
One of the issues I had to share with Sam prior to our marriage was my (mostly self-diagnosed) E.D. problem. One great thing about our relationship is that we have always been able to talk to one another about any and everything, so broaching this subject wasn’t a problem for me.
Intimacy enhances your sex life
Sam and I had been intimate for years. Even though we had not had a sexual relationship, the respect, trust and mutual admiration we had for one another caused us to become intimate even before we were married. The intimacy that we share absolutely eradicated any signs of E.D.
My wife (I love saying that) and I have an amazing sex life. Sex is all encompassing for us. It’s spiritual, emotional and its physical all of which began with the cultivation of intimacy in our relationship.
If you are in a marriage where sex occurs infrequently, rarely, or if you no longer enjoy sex with your husband or wife, I encourage you to take the time to cultivate intimacy in your relationship. I believe God intended for married couples to enjoy great sex for the rest of their lives. The key to a flourishing sex life within your marriage is increased levels of intimacy.