Infidelity begins with I. I believe that the act of marital infidelity rest solely on the person guilty of committing the act. Infidelity cannot be blamed on another person, your bad marriage, the circumstances, or the timing of the act. All responsibility for infidelity must rest on the shoulders of “I”.
Taking responsibility for one’s actions is the first step toward renewed fellowship with God and quite possibly, with your spouse.
Infidelity is not conducive to having a good marriage, I’m sure we all know that. I’m sure we also know that marital infidelity is not condoned in scripture.
With that being the case, I’m not going to give a lot of scripture regarding what the bible has to say about this subject. Instead, I’d like to approach the subject from a different perspective.
I’d like to talk about ways that marital infidelity can be avoided before it ever has a chance to rear its ugly head.
I want to talk about things that we need to know and practical things that we can do (or avoid doing) that may lead us down the road to infidelity.
Some believe that with love and marriage, the attraction to the opposite sex is diminished. NOTHING COULD BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH!
In order to address this issue, please understand that I have to use a very broad brush since everyone is different, and every situation is different.
Men and Women were made to be attracted to one another
The above statement may seem obvious, but I think that if this one simple fact was understood and acknowledged more often, we would be better equipped to safeguard ourselves when temptation arises.
Some believe that with love and marriage, the attraction to the opposite sex is diminished. NOTHING COULD BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH! Normal functioning men and normal functioning women were made by God to be attracted to one another and your attraction to the opposite sex will remain as long as you live.
Men and Women have appetites that can be satisfied by the opposite sex
Speaking from the male perspective, men need to be respected. Surprisingly enough, the leading factor of attraction in a woman for a man is her show of respect toward him.
There are many other factors involved in males being attracted to females. Men are visual creatures, so of course appealing to the eye is a big factor when it comes to men being attracted to women as well.
On the other hand, women want to be loved. Most women want to be romanced. Men who have been raised to treat women respectfully, such as opening doors for women, pulling her chair out for her at the table, allowing her to walk ahead of him etc., can sometimes send wrong signals to women without the man ever knowing it.
If you have been raise to treat women in such a manner, be forewarned that you could be unconsciously satisfying an appetite of care, concern and ultimately, love in a woman that could lead to her being attracted to you.
Likewise women, if you go out of your way to make a show of respect to a man, you could be feeding his need for respect and unwittingly sparking an attraction in him.
Satisfying the appetite of the opposite sex can spark attraction
Respect is good. Being “nice” to one another makes for a pleasant environment for all. However in respecting and showing a sense of care and concern for the opposite sex be mindful of the fact that you could be feeding someone who is emotionally starving.
Ideally, our natural appetites as married men and women should be fed by our spouses, but quite often these needs are not met at home.
Having a spouse at home who loves you and cares for you in the way that you need to be cared for is great, but even if you are being sufficiently emotionally fed at home, the temptation to roam when an attraction is sparked outside of the home is still very real.
It takes a healthy self-esteem, self-control, self-respect, integrity, and a desire to serve and carry out the will of God for your life to fight off the spark of attraction which could lead to marital infidelity.
Avoid Infidelity by Making Your Spouse Your Best Friend
Sit down with your spouse and figure out what your Love Languages are. Once you’ve discovered what language your spouse speaks, dedicate yourself to becoming proficient at speaking his or her language.
When you learn how to meet your spouse’s emotional needs, and become proficient at communicating in your spouse’s love language, you will create an environment that your spouse loves to spend time in. Your objective should be to make things so nice at home emotionally speaking, that everything outside the home pales in comparison.
Don’t Stop Courting
When you love being with someone, finding the time to be together is not a problem. Never, never, never stop dating. Make time for one another. In between dates, create a daily 15 minute block of time when you can give your spouse 100% of your attention. This practice alone will greatly improve the quality of your marriage.
Follow Joseph’s example
Run! If you spend time in close proximity to someone and you begin to feel an attraction forming, whether mutual or not, do your best to change your environment.
You may have to change your shift. You may have to change your desk. You may have to start going home for lunch if that’s feasible. You may have to find another carpool.
The act of infidelity begins with “I’. Likewise, the prevention of infidelity also begins with “I”. Make the decision that you are going to be a person of integrity and not give in to the temptations of the flesh.