Complementing Your Wife: It’s not what you say, it’s what you say

Complementing

Complementing my wife comes naturally to me. I couldn’t avoid complement her even if I tried. As she leaves for work each morning I tell her how good she looks. In fact, I can’t remember the last day I didn’t complement her on how she looks.

Which is why I was left baffled with a giant question mark above my head last night when she told me that I hurt her feelings by not complementing her on how she looks.

Husbands, be mindful and appreciative of who your wife has become. Let her know that the attraction you have toward her is increasing not decreasing.

Communication between my wife and I is very good. Well, maybe not very good, but it’s pretty good. OK, it’s decent….I think. Umm, it’s above average. Well, we’ve never had to bring in a translator to decipher what the other is saying…and I’ll leave it at that….

My wife is the most beautiful woman I know. She is the total package. She is an amazing woman both inside and out. Physically, to say that I’m taken with her beauty would be an understatement. I thank God daily for blessing me with her.

A Flash from the Past

Our high school senior is graduating in a few days. As a part of the graduation celebration, Sam is planning to have a slideshow going of approximately 8 year’s worth of photos showing on a continuous loop during the graduation party.

Needless to say, looking over photos that go back as far as 8 years has brought back a lot of memories and has taken 3 days to complete. Over the last 3 days, Sam has pulled me aside and shown me numerous photos of her, her mother, her sisters, and both of our boys.

I have spent the past 3 days complementing how Sam looks in all of the photos she has shown me. In my mind, Sam was a Super Hottie back then, and I’ve been letting her know that for the past three days.

I thought I was making her feel good by raving over her pictures. I thought I was showing her how much I love and appreciated her by being complementary of her. So you can imagine the bewilderment on my face last night when she told me that I hurt her feelings.

Well, what I wasn’t completely aware of is that Sam doesn’t feel she’s the same woman now that she was then. She feels heavier and as with all of us, she isn’t physically what she was 8 years ago. The message I was sending Sam is that I preferred her then to the way she is now.

When Complementing goes wrong

What I don’t understand is how 3 days of complementing photos of my wife from the past could override 3 years of complementing her on how she looks now. But I suppose the great thing is that I don’t have to understand it. As a husband, all I have to do is accept it and show her that who she is right now means so much more to me than what she was 8 years ago.

Communication is a broad umbrella that encompasses many nuances. Husbands, be mindful and appreciative of who your wife has become. Let her know that the attraction you have toward her is increasing not decreasing. Be sensitive to how she may be perceiving your words and make sure that she is receiving your thoughts and ideas as you mean them, not necessarily as you say them.

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